The Revolution? isn't televised

I’ve been home sick for two days. Not being mobile is a problem for me. I like to have the option to sit around the house and not do anything. When I’m forced to just sit it’s awful.

So in between the TheraFlu haze I’ve been watching a lot of television. A LOT of TELEVISION. In Raleigh Maury comes on at 11 and at 5. Judge Judy comes on twice, The People’s Court comes on a lot, and Gloria Allred is a judge? There are also some other shows on Fox that have me thoroughly confused. (Apparently there’s a British guy who’s a really aggressive Jerry Springer). Then of course there’s the Price is Right.

I think much of the daytime television has determined that the American Woman is just a pile of bricks that need to be molded shaped and created. According to television, we (women) are in bad shape! (I really had no idea!) Everything in the American woman’s household needs repair: her house, her clothes, her kids, her health, her reading selections, her music, selections, and even the way she cooks (if she doesn’t cook she should, and if she does cook she needs to know how to do it better). I am SHOCKED!

I know that these types of shows are not new. My mom watched Dina Shore, Julia Child, and later Ms. Winfrey. But these new shows seem to be telling American women (especially those who work from home daily) that they’re lives are abysmal and the only way they can survive is to do exactly everything these “experts” tell them to do.

The newest entry into the Nate Berkus, Dr. Phil, The View, and the Chew entourage is the show the Revolution. The show has an Ob/GYN, a therapist, a stylist, a home makeover guru, and a personal trainer. The website describes the new show promises to:

“be an exciting, inspirational template for transformation for women all over the world."

A template? I don’t want to be part of a template. If there is indeed something wrong me, I don’t want what you’re giving the other woman! What’s wrong with the template I have already? And who decided that you guys were the one to create the template?

Don’t get me wrong. I would love a Ty Pennington makeover of my bedroom, and a Tim Gunn makeover of my wardrobe. My question is: Do American Women need a makeover? And whose fault is it that American Women are usually the “victims” (I use this word very loosely) in television today.

There seems to be two versions of shows for women. In the morning shows that show you how to get yourself together (usually getting a man is somewhere in there) and in the evening reality shows that show you how to get out of your 4-inch stilettos quickly in order to beat the crap out of some woman in the room who has said something about a man (you date, used to date, married, divorced, had a baby with, a fling with, or just looked at lustily).

It amazes me that on television we’re still supposed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never forget a man is a man. But yep that’s it. Even on one of my favorite shows Body of Evidence, the main characters were fighting over a man (Dana Delaney’s ex-husband)….in 4 inch stilettos! In the coroner’s office! Yikes! (That one has been bothering me for a while now!)

Television has reduced women into proper ladies, who will always be a size four no matter how many babies she has, who is a gourmet chef, and knows all the posh restaurants in all cities of the world. We also know how to fit in a pilates class and throw a right hook when needed.

Look, I don’t think that being a size 4 is a problem, but just stop asking me to be one in order for you to accept me. Also don’t think I’m going to wrestle in the mud in a wet t-shirt with no underwear for some man’s entertainment. It’s too much.

My body is just fine thank you.

I don’t want to do pilates, or run a 5K and get my phD at the same time while balancing my checkbook, having my fourth child in a temperature controlled bathtub with rose petals while I organize my interior designer, landscaper, and party planner. I don’t want to shop in a really trendy lingerie shop a week after having my child and then satisfying my man like no one can with a huge steak!

Come on.

I’m not where I want to be with my weight goals, but their MY weight goals. I’m happy with my relationship and my kids are kids. My house could use a makeover, but I like it the way it is. I don’t have nightstands yet, or lampshades but that’s my business. Eventually I will. And things in my life will fall apart. They always do, and I will ALWAYS come up with a solution. I’m okay that it will take me venting, accepting, daydreaming, and then finally taking care of the problem. That’s how I work. So I think for everyone's sake I'm going to stop watching daytime television, because there is nothing wrong with me.

At least I don’t think there is. But maybe when Steve Harvey’s daytime show starts next year he can tell me what do about it.